A big hello to all of our wonderful parents out there in Goat Track Land! This week many of the children across the country return to school. For some this is an exciting, inspiring and confidence enhancing experience and for others, sadly, it is not.
Schools can often be a place where we ‘learn’ stories about who we are. Some of the stories we ‘take on” about ourselves are helpful. Helpful stories gear us towards courage then competence and then confidence. Helpful stories tell us that we are capable of brilliance, that we are unique and resilient and filled with unlimited potential. These stories also tell us helpful things about failure and how important it is, if we ever want to achieve great things.
Unhelpful stories tell us that we are dumb, incapable, inconsequential, unimportant and not nearly as impressive, intelligent, beautiful and funny as everyone else. These unhelpful stories also personalise things like failure as terminal and directly related to someone’s character flaws, thus diminishing a child’s confidence and resilience.
Helpful stories free us and inspire us. They make us want to participate fully in life and to grow as people. Unhelpful stories make us want to hide ourselves for fear of judgment and failure.
And where does your child learn these stories?
The same place you did. From other people.
After all they certainly weren’t born with these stories and neither were you. You learned them. This is why words matter and the words that matter most to a child come from a variety of sources – friends, teachers, family members and of course you- their parents.
We can’t control what other people say to our kids, but fortunately we can control what we say and your words matter.
As the Artistic Director of Goat Track Theatre, I've had the pleasure of working with countless young minds and have seen firsthand how the right words at the right time can significantly boost a child's confidence. So here are some words that I think make the world of difference to a child when you are trying to grow their confidence.
1. "I Believe in You"
This simple phrase can have a profound impact on a child's confidence. When you say "I believe in you," you're expressing your faith in their abilities and potential. This reassurance can empower them to take risks and step outside their comfort zones. Remind them, that they are always enough. Not always enough to climb the whole staircase, but always enough to take the next step and that’s all they have to do. Life isn’t a race, it’s an exciting adventure or journey.
2. "You Are Capable"
Reminding children of their capabilities helps them recognize their strengths and feel more confident about facing challenges. Remind them that they once couldn’t walk but here they are today walking and skipping and doing all manner of things, they once couldn’t do. Remind them of all the times they thought something wasn’t possible only to prove themselves wrong time and time again. Remind them of their constantly improved capabilities.
3. “Your Effort is in Your Control”
Sometimes, children assess themselves solely according to an outcome. This can be dispiriting when the results don’t go the way they would like. They start to concentrate on measures that are largely irrelevant. Imagine a child got 90/100 for an exam. You would expect them to be happy and proud of their effort but if they find out that this is the lowest mark in the class suddenly many children will now turn their wonderful achievement into a failure. Results are interesting things to look at over a long-term period but if we are riding the result of every exam like it’s life or death, this does not build well- adjusted children. Instead remind kids that results always show up when we do – but not always, right away! You can’t always control a result, but you can control your effort and that is all that you or anyone could possibly expect of them.
4. "Mistakes are Opportunities to Learn"
It's important for children to understand that mistakes are not failures, but opportunities for growth. All experiences that children begin to characterise as failures need to be swiftly flipped into learnings. It’s okay to empathise with their disappointment, but the only real failure in life is the failure to participate and if they did that and got some learning then they are now better equipped to do better next time. Remind them that the most amazing thinkers on the planet didn’t just invent things like the telephone or write famous novels as a first draft. They made loads of mistakes to get better and better. Just because something they tried failed doesn’t mean they failed and it certainly doesn’t mean that they are a failure.
5. "I'm Proud of You"
These four words can mean the world to a child. When you express pride in their efforts, you reinforce their sense of self-worth and accomplishment. Remember that you are not proud of them simply for a result. This makes a child believe that they only have value if they are the best and bring home trophies and certificates and awards. When these results show up, it is generally a result of their effort. Acknowledge that! Celebrate that! You are proud of the person they are and the one they are becoming because you see them trying. Trying takes courage.
Our words carry enormous weight. Let's use them to uplift, encourage, and instil confidence in our children. Let’s create children who are authentic, resilient and independent! Children who have lovely things to say about themselves because we noticed them and reminded them first with words that mattered.
Have a Great 2024!
Andrew Wright Artistic Director, Goat Track Theatre