The Death of Joy
Mark Twain once said that “Comparison is the Death of Joy.” I couldn’t agree more. When our young people join a Goat Track ensemble we tell them that there is only one person we would like them to compare themselves to. That person, is who they were at last week’s session.
When you think about it, this is the only fair comparison that can be made. If you were lacking a bit of focus last week, it is in your control to be more focused this week. If you were a bit shy last week, it is within your power to be more courageous and open up a bit more this week. If you didn’t bring your most positive attitude last week, you are able to make the necessary changes this week. You are in control.
If by comparison, you are trying to be the most focussed, open and positive person in the room you are not in control. That’s because other people are living their own lives and you are never in control of them. And it just so happens there will always be people who are better than you at … well … almost everything. Everything but being the best you.
If this all sounds a bit ‘hokey’ consider an alternative culture where kids are encouraged to compete at all costs, a culture where young people are encouraged to try and better others rather than bettering themselves. These cultures encourage competition, take downs, gossip and even sabotage. That’s because there’s two ways I can try to ‘win’ in these cultures. I can improve myself or I can take down those around me. These cultures are not (as is often floated) environments that foster excellence. They actually deflate young people into self consciousness and into a space where they likely hide their talents instead of growing them.
I spoke to a parent over the weekend who had her daughter at a dance school where this was precisely the culture that had been created. Where there was a pecking order of who was the fattest, thinnest, least talented, most talented, worst and best. The result? She no longer dances. The Death of Joy. What a waste.
All young people are on their own journey. Let’s help them enjoy the ride by shifting their focus to what they can control. Not sap the love out of their passions through toxic cultures that make them think that their best is not enough.